I'm smellin coffee..

last night was one of those nights. the kind when you just lay in bed, eyes wide open, can't go to sleep. at first i tossed and turned, as if that was going to help. then i realized that i was not falling asleep, so i just started thinking, praying. all over the map, thinking about things that i havent thought about in years it seems, and praying about some of the same things i've been praying for years. "Lord, i need guidance in my life. what am i supposed to do? where am i supposed to be? Father, lead me to where you want me to go.. Father, i dont understand how you can love a sinner like me. i know that i am forgiven, but sometimes i cannot comprehend Your love for me"
i've been dealing with these things since i was old enough to realize that we are all called to something, and since i found God's grace and forgiveness. so after a long night last night, i'm up early, and i go to one of my favorite psalms, it always gives me peace, psalms 139 vs 16 "Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them." gets me every time. every time i worry about what i am supposed to do, or where i'm supposed to be, He is right there in front of me saying.. "nathan, be patient, and follow Me.."
also i have been struggling with letting go of things from my past. a good friend of mine has been helping me through, and i'm very grateful. being here, i've had a lot of time to reflect. interesting how much more i think about things when i'm not worried about my cell phone ringing, or planning something to do with my friends. i've taken myself back to some things that i have done, things that i havent been able to let go of. i know i am forgiven, i'm sure of it actually, but there is still a feeling of guilt, not between God and i, just a struggle within myself. this weekend i let those things go. tossed them into the wind. God has forgiven me, so why cant i forgive myself? we all have those things, and i hope that if you have them now, that you will let them go. don't hinder your growth in the present because of something in your past. God has already forgotten it. His mercy has already swept, and mopped it up. we are clean.
2 requests-
1) please keep praying for my dad, he has finished his radiation, and he will have some scans done soon to see how that went. pray with faith that God has entirely removed cancer from his body. we can move mountains, let's remove a disease with our prayers
2) also, a dear friend of my uncle's in california was just diagnosed with more cancer, the doctors haven't given him very good odds, but as we all know, odds are nothing to our God. his name is Chip Anderson, please pray for him.

it's not what you know, it's who you know

well i've been here for a week now, and i must admit, it has been amazing already. my first day here joe and i built a dividing wall at los pinos church to make another classroom for the kids there. there are 5 classrooms now, and the church is growing everyday. i've still been getting odds and ends done around town, running errands and getting settled at the house. we went and looked at a piece of property on monday that a man named rueben wants to donate for a concrete house project to build from 20-30 concrete houses. the land is great for what we need, and there is another plot of land right next to it we can buy that is very nice as well. yesterday was a busy day, and is where i saw how a network can be such an advantage to ministry. we met with the first lady of honduras in the morning, Tim works with her dispatch, and she loves TORCH and IRC because we are working to make this country, and she very much wants to make this country a better place for the poor. she is going to help with the housing project, and she is also going to be helping IRC get a tattoo removal machine here. in honduras, if you are seen with a gang related tattoo, no questions asked, the police will take you to jail for a minimum of one year. so we are trying to get a rehabilitation program started so these guys can go out on the street without worrying about getting arrested or shot at by other gang members. the first lady is a great woman who cares very much about the people here. later yesterday we met with the head of transit for the national police of honduras about supplying a hospital solely for police and family members. we learned that there are only 348 police officers in tegucigalpa. that means for every one officer there are about 5,200 people. it is unbelievable how they can opperate with a staff that small. also, they are only paid 4,o0o limperas a month, a little over 200 american dollars. so the police can use our help, and by helping them, they will help us when needed, and it is a way to testify to these officers that we are coming in contact with. this morning, tim and i met with a member of the united nations working with unicef to talk with him about the tattoo removal machine. yet another connection for IRC to work with, and for God to give opportunities through. Tim left for the states today, he will be there for a little over 2 weeks. joe and i are hosting a devo tonight with some of the teachers from dalton and dillan's school, so i'm gonna go prepare for that. keep praying, and God will keep answering! God bless

Sit down and stay a while

well, let's get started, from the beginning..
i was born into a loving, christian family. went to church when i was 5 days old, and have been involved ever since. i've been blessed beyond belief with my parents. no child could as for more loving parents to show them the way. as an only child, one might say that i've been spoiled, even spoiled rotten, which is probably true, but the way i see it is that my parents have sacrificed things that they have wAnted to provide for me, to give me luxuries that i most likely don't deserve. in no way have i ever deserved what i've been given in this life, but God continues to bless me everyday. i went to a christian school in nashville from 2nd grade to 10th grade, then moved to beautiful, gorgeous, sunny, sarasota florida where i finished high school at another christian school. i was baptized at 13 years old. now that i look back, i can see that i made that decision to take on christ, but i did not fully understand the responsibilities this decision would entail. i don't believe that it is void because of that, because i was indeed seeking God and following His will, but not until later in my life did i really understand what His love means. i began coming to Honduras that year, 1997. i fell in love with TORCH, and i fell in love with this country, and i fell in love with God's work here. i have made some priceless friendships through TORCH and maintain them to this day. i praise God for the people i have met on these trips and have become close with. throught the years, i maintained my spiritual walk, having the peaks and valleys that every christian goes through, but never making a break through that absolutely changed my relationship with Him. i went to freed hardeman to play soccer after high school where i have made some of the best friends anyone could ask for. so, why am i where i am, why am i who i am? during my sophmore year, i got one of those phone calls.. the one when you answer the phone and you know something is wrong by the sound of your mother's voice. i learned that my father was diagnosed with skin cancer. they did not reveal to me how serious this problem was, knowing that i would have left school that second. the doctors gave my father very poor chances on making it. well God has other plans for my dad. people began praying. all over the nation, all over the world and God was faithful to our requests. he went through therapy for almost a year, when the doctors found more cancer. once again the prayers were lifted from hundreds and hundreds of people. today the doctors believe he is cancer free, and he is doing a dose of radiation to kill any cells that might linger. now, i dont know if you have had that one moment in your life when you knew that you needed God more than you had ever needed him before, but my father's cancer made me not only seek God, but crave Him. i knew that there was no way a healing would come without the faith that can move mountains. i have that faith, and i know God will answer a faithful prayer. God has been so amazing to me.
for years, i have put off a summer internship in Honduras with TORCH. needing to work, training for soccer, any excuse i could think of, i used, and i turned down God's plan for me. last summer, i listened to God's calling for me, and i told Him that whatever doors he opened i would walk through. not only did God give me the opportunity to do the summer internship, but the doors were wide open to come earlier, and live here for 6 months. something that i have been finding in my walk this year, is that God doesn't wait for you to seek Him, He actively pursues you and tugs at your heart to bring you close to Him, because that is what He wants, us to be close to Him. so here i am, in tegucigalpa honduras trying to follow God's will for my life, and trying to spread the news about His love.
i know i've been long-winded, so i will wrap it up.
GOD is GOOD, ALL the TIME