your eyes don't decieve you..
apparently it's been over 4 months since the last time i posted, and probably over a year since i have posted consistently. to be honest, i'm surprised i even remembered how to log on and remebered my password.. so, what has gotten into me? you might ask.. excellent question, i'll get back to you on that. i feel like this might be a good way for me to get back into some sort of rhythm again. if by some wild chance there is still anyone with extreme loyalty who still checks this site on a bi-monthly basis just to make sure that i didn't get crazy and write something, today might be your lucky day. i can think of a whole bunch of things that i would rather get on a lucky day than a post from a has-been blogger. in a way, i'm doing this to test myself. do i have the discipline that i once had? maybe. maybe not.
well, no matter what i do, i'm here now, so i'll write what is going on right now. at this very moment i have just taken a break from an all-nighter full of school work. but please, hold your sympathy, because i deserve nothing of the sort. i brought all of this upon myself, by being the super procrastinator that i am. so, i just wrote a 3 page essay in spanish over a book that i did not understand one-third of, followed by computer homework that i should have done during class, and bible lessons that were due last week. the term "senioritis" is a dramatic understatement. i'm on my 3rd cup of coffee in the past 4 hours and i'm pretty sure it's losing it's effect, so i'm going to have to move onto something stronger, maybe redbull or a starbucks doubeshot. if i don't find something, i'll be asleep by noon, and i can't afford to do that, because i have class until 9:30 tonight. once again, let me repeat, no sympathy.
i've been in somewhat of a rut for sometime now, and just like always, i started looking for the magical solution to jump back into the race (it's a metaphor) without warming up. somehow i imagine myself going from my daily routine without God, to a perfectly healthy relationship with God. a 180 degree turn around in one single day. i know, it sounds impressive. i dream big. unfortunately, as i'm sure you know from experience, it doesn't work that way. it doesn't work in a way remotely close to that one. so, i've been looking for God's guidance in my life. BUT i'm just so busy... you know what i mean? if you're not where i am, you've either been there or been in a place that looks just like it. you already read my current circumstance. that's just today. everyday is something else. i'm taking 18 hours this semester. that alone is a load to carry, but i've also been helping my dad coach high school girls soccer. which, by the way, is a completely different story that maybe someday i will invest the time to talk about. soccer was taking anywhere from 4 to 6 hours of my day. that plus school PLUS a social life right? what am i supposed to not have friends and have fun? seriously, my life is just ridiculously busy right now. SO busy, so incredibly busy, that i don't have 10 minutes so spare to read from the word. so jam packed with all of my important things that can't be put aside just for a few moments of solitude to pray to the one who is allowing me to live and breathe on this earth. i realize that i'm not telling a new story, or putting a new twist on an old story. you have been here. i'm just merely letting you read the pathetic excuses i use to not spend time with my God. i come up with some of the most petty reasons to get out of reading.. so now that i've run out of "good" excuses, i'm left with the honest truth- it's time to do something about it. i would like to be bold and say that i'm going to make all the necessary changes to get back to that place where i've been and i know i can be, but to be honest, i know it's going to take time and effort and God's help. so i pray a prayer that i always seem to fall back on:
MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.
this is just a confession for me. this is something that i needed to do to get this off my chest so i can start walking again. i've said it before and i'll probably always say it, i'm a wreck, a mess, a disaster. hopefully this might encourage someone, i'm not trying to teach or preach, that's not my business. i'm just trying to get back on track. i could sure use your prayers. because you know that later today when i have a full plate it will be really easy for me to say "these things are important right now and this is what i need to do. i need to be productive, i'll pray later. i'll read tomorrow. i promise." no guarantees, but hopefully i can make it today.
NCR
well, no matter what i do, i'm here now, so i'll write what is going on right now. at this very moment i have just taken a break from an all-nighter full of school work. but please, hold your sympathy, because i deserve nothing of the sort. i brought all of this upon myself, by being the super procrastinator that i am. so, i just wrote a 3 page essay in spanish over a book that i did not understand one-third of, followed by computer homework that i should have done during class, and bible lessons that were due last week. the term "senioritis" is a dramatic understatement. i'm on my 3rd cup of coffee in the past 4 hours and i'm pretty sure it's losing it's effect, so i'm going to have to move onto something stronger, maybe redbull or a starbucks doubeshot. if i don't find something, i'll be asleep by noon, and i can't afford to do that, because i have class until 9:30 tonight. once again, let me repeat, no sympathy.
i've been in somewhat of a rut for sometime now, and just like always, i started looking for the magical solution to jump back into the race (it's a metaphor) without warming up. somehow i imagine myself going from my daily routine without God, to a perfectly healthy relationship with God. a 180 degree turn around in one single day. i know, it sounds impressive. i dream big. unfortunately, as i'm sure you know from experience, it doesn't work that way. it doesn't work in a way remotely close to that one. so, i've been looking for God's guidance in my life. BUT i'm just so busy... you know what i mean? if you're not where i am, you've either been there or been in a place that looks just like it. you already read my current circumstance. that's just today. everyday is something else. i'm taking 18 hours this semester. that alone is a load to carry, but i've also been helping my dad coach high school girls soccer. which, by the way, is a completely different story that maybe someday i will invest the time to talk about. soccer was taking anywhere from 4 to 6 hours of my day. that plus school PLUS a social life right? what am i supposed to not have friends and have fun? seriously, my life is just ridiculously busy right now. SO busy, so incredibly busy, that i don't have 10 minutes so spare to read from the word. so jam packed with all of my important things that can't be put aside just for a few moments of solitude to pray to the one who is allowing me to live and breathe on this earth. i realize that i'm not telling a new story, or putting a new twist on an old story. you have been here. i'm just merely letting you read the pathetic excuses i use to not spend time with my God. i come up with some of the most petty reasons to get out of reading.. so now that i've run out of "good" excuses, i'm left with the honest truth- it's time to do something about it. i would like to be bold and say that i'm going to make all the necessary changes to get back to that place where i've been and i know i can be, but to be honest, i know it's going to take time and effort and God's help. so i pray a prayer that i always seem to fall back on:
MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.
this is just a confession for me. this is something that i needed to do to get this off my chest so i can start walking again. i've said it before and i'll probably always say it, i'm a wreck, a mess, a disaster. hopefully this might encourage someone, i'm not trying to teach or preach, that's not my business. i'm just trying to get back on track. i could sure use your prayers. because you know that later today when i have a full plate it will be really easy for me to say "these things are important right now and this is what i need to do. i need to be productive, i'll pray later. i'll read tomorrow. i promise." no guarantees, but hopefully i can make it today.
NCR
posted by ncreeves at
5:00 AM
|
1 comments
