can i quit now? please..

so i created a "to do" list on tuesday, which was either a great decision or a very poor one.. sometimes it is nice to have written on paper everything that needs to be done in a certain timespan, and then, even better, to scratch those items off when they have been completed. well, there were about 20 different things on my list, at least 10 of which were school related, and i have scratched off maybe 2, only 1 school related. so here i am sitting in the lab at school, where i came to do a take-home test that was due on tuesday, and i read the instructions that say very clearly in bold type : NO LATE TAKE HOME TESTS WILL BE ACCEPTED. NO EXCEPTIONS! so.. what you're saying is, you're not going to accept it? oh well, that's one thing i can scratch off my list, not because it's finished, but because it is no longer necessary. i'll take it where i can get it at this point. i'm so stressed that i'm actually numb to the feeling.. i have been stressed for so long that i don't remember what it feels like to not be approaching a deadline of some sort. i think, i'm not sure, but i think, that people get paid for this sort of thing, to be stressed out all of the time. i have chosen to PAY to be stressed out.. it's backwards... what i keep telling myself right now is that if i can just make it to the weekend, THEN i'll get caught up.. HAAA!! i know myself better.. i just want to make it to the weekend so i can relax, sleep, watch some football, and wait until sunday night to start freaking out about all i have to do.. the semester is almost over, can i get a HALLELUJIA!! and hopefully by the grace of God, i will be graduating in may.. please say a prayer for that!
i went to new orleans over thanksgiving break to work with hilltop rescue to do some relief work and see the hines family. just a reminder here: if anyone has forgotten that new orleans got demolished by a hurricane a little over a year ago, refresh your memory! just because the media has moved our attention to whatever the current newsflash is doesn't mean that new orleans was magically rebuilt and refurbished while we weren't looking. it is unbelievable.. there are still thousands of homes that have gone completely untouched for over a year.. these people have been displaced for over 14 months, after losing everything they knew to be home. i'm no saint here, this is only the second time i have been since the storm, i just wanted to act as some sort of reporter to anyone who reads this, to remind you that our fellow citizens, americans, still need our help..
back to the world i want to escape from...

trying to keep my head above the water
NCR

a prayer..

how do you love me like you do? how can your mercy never cease? how do you maintain an unconditional love for me, when i am constantly failing you? i have broken countless promises to you. i fall drastically short of your glory every single day. there is not one day that passes in which i earn a fraction of the love you pour out on me. so, how do you love me like you do? i want to know. i can't fathom how you can love me when i turn my back on you day in and day out. i don't want to do these things. i don't set out on a course to fall down. i want to live as you would have me to live. but my discipline fails me. i believe that i don't need your help, when the truth is that i can't do anything on my own. you are always here with me, even when i don't ask for your help, you are there. you follow through on your promises. i don't understand how you can show me grace when i make the same mistakes so often. i am weak. i know that you are strong, but it is hard for me to let go. i have moments. moments when i feel like i can hand it all over to you and sit in the passenger seat. these moments seem to pass by quickly and again i begin on my course destined for failure. how many times will i take this route? how can you follow me into the deepest parts of my sinful life and take me by the hand and lovingly lead me back to the path that jesus walked before me. i give up a sacred life with you for these empty desires and sins that come and go so quickly. i am so easily tempted and i fall for the same traps that satan has set up for me. yet everytime i come to you wounded and broken due to my own mistakes, you pick me up and make it right. you clean me and make me new. in my deepest, darkest moments you still love me. how? i don't understand your ways. i don't understand how you can love a sinner like me. i don't understand how you can continually want me to be with you when i continually act as if i don't know you at all. i'm lost. i don't know what direction i'm going or if i'm even going at all. what i want is to run after you. i want to be in your presence and know your face. this journey, my life, has been all mountains and valleys. i have been close to you, and i have completely denied you in my life. i don't know at what point i am right now. i know that i have been in a dark place for a while and i'm trying to find my way back to you. but i am weak. i need your help. and i don't know why you would help me, but i am so grateful for it. i am thankful for your love and appreciate everything you have done for me. i will fail you today. i will fail you tomorrow. please just help me get back on my feet when i do and love me like you always do. i love you.