don't count on this to last..

i doubt i've stumbled upon some motivation to start blogging on a regular basis, but who knows.. what i do know, is that god is at work. all the time. even when you aren't working with him. i'm amazed at the persistance of god. he isn't just monitoring me from a distance. he's not on a brisk walk watching me as i go through life. he's chasing me. actively after my soul, because he wants me to be with him. i was reading in hosea tonight and it just reminded me of what true love is. there's nothing we can do to make god fall out-of-love with us. we can, and do, cheat on him. on a regular basis. it might be with our jobs, school, money, addictions, whatever it might be, or a big combination of some or all of these. god knows our mistresses, knows them well. not for a second does he want us to be with another, but he never changes.
the difference with me is, when i know someone has forsaken me for another. i have a hard time letting that go. forgetting it- pretty much out of the question. i'm not married. don't plan on it for quite some time. plenty of reasons for that, but i know i'm not ready for something like that. i've got a lot to learn. but what i do think about it, is that if i were to have a wife that continuously cheated on me, it would be difficult to let that go. it would be difficult to forgive, even more difficult to forget. but everyday god is forgiving and forgetting my sins against him. when i come to him, he doesn't think in the back of his mind that he deserves to be a little upset with the way i've acted today, and about those things i said last week. i'm always having a hard time forgiving myself. god has already forgotten the things i'm still trying to forgive myself about. he's in a marriage with us, knowing we're gonna cheat on him, but he's still gonna pour his love on us like a bride walking down the isle in her wedding dress. derek webb's song "wedding dress" is a great one for this subject. he puts to words the story of god and his church. but i want to put up a verse that caught my eye, it was israel's plea to god early in the book of hosea:

hosea 6:1-3
come , let us return to the lord
for he has torn us, but he will heal us
he has wounded us, but he will bandage us
he will revive us after two days
he will raise us up on the third day
that we may live before him
so let us know, let us press on to know the lord
his going forthis as certain as the dawn
and he will come to us like the rain
like the spring rain watering the earth



undeservingly loved
NCR