Worlds Apart

gas prices..

2008-05-01T00:59:00.001-06:00

i just sold my social security number to a cuban runaway so i could buy a tank of gas...
it's time to think outside the box

NCR

what is life..

2008-04-24T17:26:00.004-06:00

busy?

short?

precious?

sweet?

hard?

a blessing?

fragile?

strong?

intense?

a gift?

mended?

weak?

there are a million words to describe what life is, or what it might be. what it is to you is not necessarily what it is to me. what it is to me today is not necessarily what it was for me yesterday, or what it will be for me tomorrow. sometimes i'm grateful for life. sometimes i'm not. plain and simple. maybe one day i see a sunset on my way home and take a deep breath of clean, crisp air and think to myself "life is good." maybe one day there's 3 inches of yellow pollen on everything in sight and i can't breathe and i'm coughing and i can't sleep and i think to myself "life isn't so good." then there are other days, when i just cruise through and nothing "big" seems to happen, and i don't think about any of it. some days i simply forget the miracle that life is. kinda sappy, i know. here's why i'm writing today:
one of the special things about TORCH is that i've made some really great friendships over the years. i've met people who i didn't know at all and become close friends and i've develpoped close friendships into deep and meaningful lifetime friendships. i don't see a lot of these friends often, but everytime we talk or see eachother, it seems as though we never skipped a beat. it's a special bond, and i consider myself very lucky to have come into friendships like these with quality people like they are. that being said...
a few months ago i heard that one of my friends, brent adams, who i had met on a trip to honduras many years ago, was in a dirtbike accident. didn't hear much else about it, so i assumed he was ok and pretty much forgot about it. i spoke with brent today and asked him what he's up to. he said "you haven't heard?" i told him i had heard about a dirtbike accident but i hadn't heard any details. he said "dude i got MESSED UP!" then he told me the list of injuries he suffered -
- broken right shoulder
- broken right shoulder blade
- broken left arm
- broken left hand
- shattered left shoulder
- broken eye socket
- broken sternum
- broke all ribs on the right side
- broken back
i didn't know what to say.. then he told me that he is paralyzed from the waist down. again, no words came..
here's where the reason i'm writing about what life is to me, to you, comes full circle. brent told me that the accident was on december 8th 2007. he went into a jump and landed directly on his head. he was in a coma for over a month. doctors gave him a 10% chance to live. his parents flew to arkansas to say goodbye, because as it seemed, he wouldn't make it. i had chills when he was telling me and i have chills right now writing about it. he came out of the coma in january and has been in serious rehab in arkansas. he is moving back to florida to be with his family and continue his rehab. he also received news from the doctors that it might be an "incomplete injury" which could mean that he could possibly walk again.
today i feel like life is precious, like life is a miracle. tomorrow, i'll probably still have brent's story in mind and be thankful for the gift of life, definitely thankful for the gift of brent's life. i'm sure at some point i will have a day or several days of passing by the things that are significant because i'm too busy or too lazy or too something else. but today i'm grateful, because life is a gift.

NCR

brent has done some serious blogging and it's well worth the time to read, his words are much better than mine and you can follow his story and his recovery at http://www.brentadams.blogspot.com/

authenticity..

2008-01-07T11:17:00.000-06:00

i just bought a copy of "blue like jazz" by donald miller. the first time i heard about "blue like jazz" was a few years ago when i was living in honduras. mark connell told me the book was great, that i would love it because it shows perspective on christianity that is different from what i've grown up with. i didn't buy it then, i don't know why, i just didn't.. i ended up getting "searching for god knows what" about a year ago, it was another one of miller's books and i immediately connected with his writing style and loved the book. he spoke at lipscomb pretty soon after i read that, and after hearing him speak i bought "through painted deserts." he speaks in simple terms and clearly defines what he thinks, but it doesn't make you want to believe exactly what he believes, it just makes you question what you believe, which i think is a healthy way to grow in your faith. if you never question what you believe, you're saying that you have it all figured out.. so i got a gift card to a book store (for those of you who know me well, you might laugh at this gift, as i'm not much of a reader, per say...) and i bought "blue like jazz." i'm not doing some sort of book review that i didn't tell you about, or preaching the gospel of donald miller, but i would recommend reading his stuff, especially "blue like jazz."
i'm a little over halfway through, and somewhere in the middle he is talking about his church, the things he loves about it, and he said a word about it that made me think about myself, my friends, family, and churches that i have attended: authenticity.
for some reason recently i think the spirit has put a ministry focus on my heart. i don't mean that i'm going to start preaching from a pulpit, just that i think we are all called to minister to everyone we come in contact with. this is something that i haven't done well at in my life. if i don't know you, i might come off as a jerk, or someone who just doesn't care. but the truth is, i care very much, and i'm working on making that more apparent to the people i come in contact with. i think someone, or some group of people, would have enormous success ministering if they were authenic about their lives. i have been to few, if any, churches who are a group of people who are completely authentic with their faith. i'm not saying that they aren't good places to grow spiritually, or that they aren't good people. but if we face the reality of life, we are broken people with more problems than we let on. in a church of 400 members, you can bet your bottom dollar that there are 400 people who struggle with loneliness, greed, envy, lust, alcohol, trust issues, family problems and the list goes on. but how many of those people come to the building on sunday morning and lay it all out there? not many, if any. we all come in our sunday best, put on the show that we're happy to be there (when sometimes we know good and well that we'd rather be at home) and that everything in our life is wonderful.
i have 2 problems with this. actually i have more, but 2 for now. first, how can we minister to eachother if we can't be honest with eachother and share our struggles, concerns, doubts and fears, hopes and aspirations? how can you pray for my problems when i don't tell you what they are? and for that matter, how can i tell you i'm struggling with this or with that, when it seems that you don't struggle with anything, let alone the things that i struggle with? god gave us community to share and lean on eachother to build strength and faith. my other problem is, that we need to be very aware that the world around us doesn't have the same sentiments about god, jesus, or christianity. people believe what they believe for a reason, and for good reason. maybe they have been wronged by a christian, who didn't act in a christian way. or maybe they are tired of seeing hypocrites saying they are christians and not serving the way a christian should. we don't need to know their specific reason for believing what they believe, but we do need to be aware of what they believe. and a defensive response to someone saying that all christians are hypocrites is natural, but guess what: it's true. i'm a hypocrite, you're a hypocrite. not that we should embrace that fact as something good, but it's the truth. i don't want to ruin the book, because it's a pretty big part of it, but a group of christians set out to minister to people by confessing to them. not saying "we're holy, tell us your sins" but saying "we're broken, we apologize for sinning against you. we're sorry for being judgmental and arrogant, but not living out the lives that jesus called us to live, and claiming that we are doing exactly that. god called us to love everyone, and we haven't loved everyone. we're sorry." maybe this isn't the best way of bringing people closer to a relationship with god, but maybe it is, or maybe it's a great idea. are the broken pouring in the doors of your church? are non-believers asking you to tell them about your jesus? if they are, tell me what you're doing. i think that a non-believer is more likely to listen to me if i say "i'm a sinner, i fail god everyday, but i still believe he loves me and wants me to be with him. jesus is my savior and my friend, and he died for me because he loves me." rather than "homosexuality is an abomination. repent and be baptized" or "you should come to my church and see how happy everyone is."

i don't know. just some thoughts. i'm not authentic that much of the time. i should be.

NCR

tis the season..

2007-12-17T14:40:00.000-06:00

when was it that you realized that santa wasn't real? oh, you still haven't? me either, carry on...

remember when you were convinced of how real he was? i specifically recall one instance in the third grade (funny how i can remember this and not remember what i ate yesterday) in which my belief system was tested. one of my classmates, a very cool, well-dressed, had the newest nike jordan's kinda kid was telling a group of us that santa wasn't real. "oh he's real" i said. "i saw him last year." my classmates were intrigued by my response to this santa-isn't-real accusation from the cool kid. "yeah, i saw him delivering my presents, and he ate some cookies and left" i said. "what did he look like?" someone asked. "just like his helpers at the mall, he had his suit on and a big white beard, but i didn't get a good look at his face, i didn't want him to know i was watching, i didn't want to get in trouble."
this may seem hard to believe, but this story that i told in 3rd grade was a complete fabrication. that doesn't mean i didn't completely believe the story i was telling, i convinced myself to believe that it was true, because i wanted to believe in santa so badly. eventually i came to the hard truth, it was a hard time, but it has been a year now and i am in full recovery.
my question is: who is santa clause to you? the mythical santa clause is a man who gives you what you ask for as long as you're good. sound familiar to any other stories that you might have been told? because it seems to me that a lot of people look at someone else in the exact same manner. i used to think this way. to me, god was someone i went to when i needed something. if my prayer was answered, i must have been having a good week, didn't sin too much. if i didn't get what i asked, oops, must have slipped up a few too many times. it was a pretty consistant prayer: "give me this, give me that, i want this, i want that. p.s- if it's your will." didn't really know what that last part meant, so i didn't really mean it. how many times have you seen a kid sit on santa's lap and say: thanks for all the things you've given me over the years, i know you didn't have to do that, and i bet it's a hassle going up and down so many chimneys, so thanks for doing that too.
hard to believe, but god isn't santa. maybe you don't, but a lot of people look at god this way. maybe not exactly like santa, but as a figure who they can ask for things they need, and be a good person, then get to heaven. but god isn't santa. god doesn't come around once a year to give us what we need, and retreat to the north pole for the rest of the year. god doesn't want to be the guy who gives us what we need and leaves. and i'm not saying it's bad to ask god for things, i ask him for a lot of things, a lot of the time. but he wants us to be in a relationship with him, be faithful to him, and know that he will provide for our needs. he does it all the time without us even asking for it!
tis the season. remember what an amazing god we serve. he gave us his son, who lived and died on this earth so we have a chance to live with our god in heaven.

happy holidays
NCR

patience is..?

2007-12-13T22:50:00.000-06:00

a virtue? if so, i don't consider myself very virtuous.. i have noticed recently how impatient i am, and i have to admit, it's pretty hypocritical.. i see it most when i'm driving. it doesn't even have to be anything that directly affects me on the road, if i see someone do something going the other direction turning the wrong way i think to myself: "what an idiot!!" and worse, if someone does something to me, like cut me off or slam on their brakes, i am ready to go to war with them. i always joke around that if there were some way of installing a rocket launcher on the front of my truck, i would do it. that way, when someone in front of me ticks me off while i'm driving, i can just push a button and blow them into history, and drive through the remains of what used to be their car. well, i know that's not the answer, but sometimes it sure seems like it would make me feel better.
sometimes the small things have much greater significance. i was thinking about how easily i can get angry at someone. the driving thing is just one example of many. lately i've been trying to focus on living my life like jesus. this should be a constant, i realize, but not much about my life is constant, so i take it day by day. as i read about jesus, i see a man who is mild mannered and loves people. rich, poor, lazy, busy, strong, weak, sick, powerful, lowly. he knows his purpose. he knows why he was sent to earth- to show the world the love of the father. story after story of jesus being tired at the end of the day, and someone coming to him in need of healing or just want to hear him speak the word. granted, even jesus had times when he didn't want to be around people, and even times when he was angry, but on a day to day basis of his life, he was the kind of person you want to be around. loving and caring. it's definitely not an easy thing to be loving and caring to everyone. especially in our busy lives. but i bet jesus still would be the same loving and caring person he was then, today. so i have to remind myself throughout the day, follow the footsteps of jesus. imagine the effect we would have on people if we treated them the way jesus would. just tonight i passed a man on the street. it's cold and wet in nashville. i should have offered him something. anything. even offered him a smile. i don't know what jesus would have done, but i doubt it was what i did; look the other way. i'm not saying we have to be a saint, forfeit all our earthly treasures and live in a monastary. but i know that i need to start loving people like jesus does. no bias, no prejudice. there's no good reason to not respect someone enough to show them jesus. we shouldn't save that for sundays. i need to start living a life that reflects the love that i've been shown. i have the perfect example.

praying for patience

NCR

better than no one..

2007-12-02T11:44:00.000-06:00

a few days ago when i brushed the dust off my bible and opened it up, i turned to hosea.. not sure why, that's just where i ended up. i think it's partly because i wanted to read about a people not so different from myself, who turned away from god for a time, but god in his infinite love, eagerly anticipated them to return to a covenant with him. i'm not saying i was off the map, and i'm certainly not celebrating that, just celebrating god's love for me.
i can only speak for myself, but i have a feeling most of us are in the same boat on the subject of justification. what i mean is this- how often do we justify who we are and what we do, by comparing our lives to someone "less great" than we are? for example- "my spiritual life isn't where it should be, but i'm sure better off than ____." what is that?!!?! where to we get that? when did jesus ever say it's about being better than your neighbor? he didn't. not even close. but i still look at the guy next to me and have this sick idea that i am somehow better than him. it's wrong on so many levels.. with that mindset it's gonna be impossible to minister to anyone. self righteousness is no way to bring people to jesus. that IS the goal, and with that in mind, maybe we should learn from the best- jesus himself. the one and only person capable of having the thought "i'm not a sinner like you" didn't have it! not only did he not have it, he specifically reached out to the "lowest" of people. he didn't hang out with people like him, like we do. we place ourselves with people who are like us- make similar mistakes, have similar faith.. jesus went to the prostitutes, the thieves, the tax collectors, fishermen, lepers, cripples, and showed them the love of the father. somethin's gotta change. whose footsteps are we following? we're all children of the same god. we are all equally loved by the same god. he loves me just as much as he loves you. he loves me the same way he loves the guy in prison for murder, the same way he loves the drug addict, the cashier at the gas station, the lady who cut me off on the freeway. it's about time we start loving people the same way.
i'm not pointing fingers, i'm absolutely talking to myself. i just know that i see people everyday who need to be shown the love of christ, not to be looked down on because they're sinners. we need to accept that we're no better than anyone, and what god calls us to do is to love everyone. i know that i need to change my foolish mindset that i'm "better" than someone into displaying compassion on them and reaching out for fellowship and ministering to the people who god puts in my life.

humbled. searching.
NCR

don't count on this to last..

2007-11-16T00:32:00.000-06:00

i doubt i've stumbled upon some motivation to start blogging on a regular basis, but who knows.. what i do know, is that god is at work. all the time. even when you aren't working with him. i'm amazed at the persistance of god. he isn't just monitoring me from a distance. he's not on a brisk walk watching me as i go through life. he's chasing me. actively after my soul, because he wants me to be with him. i was reading in hosea tonight and it just reminded me of what true love is. there's nothing we can do to make god fall out-of-love with us. we can, and do, cheat on him. on a regular basis. it might be with our jobs, school, money, addictions, whatever it might be, or a big combination of some or all of these. god knows our mistresses, knows them well. not for a second does he want us to be with another, but he never changes.
the difference with me is, when i know someone has forsaken me for another. i have a hard time letting that go. forgetting it- pretty much out of the question. i'm not married. don't plan on it for quite some time. plenty of reasons for that, but i know i'm not ready for something like that. i've got a lot to learn. but what i do think about it, is that if i were to have a wife that continuously cheated on me, it would be difficult to let that go. it would be difficult to forgive, even more difficult to forget. but everyday god is forgiving and forgetting my sins against him. when i come to him, he doesn't think in the back of his mind that he deserves to be a little upset with the way i've acted today, and about those things i said last week. i'm always having a hard time forgiving myself. god has already forgotten the things i'm still trying to forgive myself about. he's in a marriage with us, knowing we're gonna cheat on him, but he's still gonna pour his love on us like a bride walking down the isle in her wedding dress. derek webb's song "wedding dress" is a great one for this subject. he puts to words the story of god and his church. but i want to put up a verse that caught my eye, it was israel's plea to god early in the book of hosea:

hosea 6:1-3
come , let us return to the lord
for he has torn us, but he will heal us
he has wounded us, but he will bandage us
he will revive us after two days
he will raise us up on the third day
that we may live before him
so let us know, let us press on to know the lord
his going forthis as certain as the dawn
and he will come to us like the rain
like the spring rain watering the earth

undeservingly loved
NCR

More May Trip Info..

2007-02-18T20:13:00.000-06:00

Just wanted to post some important information about the upcoming trip in May. Although it is still several months away, it will be here before we know it!

First of all let me tell you about the payment schedule:

- The first payment of $225 will be due along with applications on Monday, March 5^th.

- The second payment of $200 will be due on Monday April 9^th.

These dates are a little flexible, so if you need any help or have questions, just let me know.

Let me remind you to be keeping your eyes open for airline tickets. I know several people have already bought their tickets, a couple of them for less than $500 out of Miami. There are deals out there, you just have to find them!

A couple administrative issues:

- I am posting the applications now, and I need them to be sent in ASAP (at least by March 5^th, if not sooner) so that I can start putting everyone’s files together and start with the rooming assignments, insurance, etc.

The applications can be sent to:

Attention: Missions Department (TORCH)

3901 Granny White Pike

Nashville, TN 37204

One last thing – Anyone interested in fundraising (both personal & budget fundraising) can contact me for free return shipping envelopes. Lipscomb provides these for mission groups and it could be a huge help if you take advantage of it. If you plan on sending out fundraising letters, these make it easier for donors to write the check and put it directly back in the mail. You do not have to be a Lipscomb student to take advantage of this, so let me know if you are interested!

NCR

torch 07

2007-01-11T16:41:00.000-06:00

Well here it is, I'm finally getting the information that I have been saying i would put online for about 2 months..

2007 is upon us and it is time to start preparing for another awesome summer in Honduras. This year, for those of you who have not heard, I am heading up the May trip. For the last few years my dad has been the leader, but this year he is teaching and school isn't out until the end of May. The May trip has traditionally been a college trip with about 30 people coming from mostly Christian Universities from the south.

If you have been on a TORCH trip, you can skip this part, but I wanted to give a summary of TORCH and the work in Honduras. TORCH has been going to Honduras for almost 20 years now. We have built well over 1,000 homes for families in need. None of these homes have been destroyed by any sort of natural forces. Even the homes we built before Hurricane Mitch remained in tact when we returned. However, TORCH is much more involved than just building houses. We will also be doing food distributions, medical brigades, hospital visitations, and visiting children's homes and orphanages. Most importantly, we will be conducting Bible studies and VBS for children.
Now, everyone has their calling, I don't know what yours is, but I want to encourage you to give this trip some serious consideration. I can promise you that it will be a life changing experience that you will never forget.

Here are some of the important details of this year's trip:

DATES: will be May 20-30. There will be no retreat during these dates, but I will get to that a little later.

COST: This year we are doing the price a little bit differently, so let me explain:
Traditionally we have priced the trips with the airfare included. This year there will be a base cost of $425, which will cover our rooming at the mission house and 2 meals per day there, gas for the buses, exit fees, and some basic operating expenses of the trip. This makes the system much easier on our part, and gives you the opportunity to decide how much the total cost of the trip will be. Here's the important part: it doesn't matter which airline you fly on. As long as you get there on May 20th, how you get there is not as important as you being there for the trip! If you want to find your ticket on expedia or find a discount online, if you want to fly on your rich uncle's private jet, if you want to fly on "bob's airline company", it's your world, i just want to pick you up there safely on May 20th.

DEADLINES: Because i am just now putting this information out, I am not going to be a ridiculous dictator on deadlines.. yet! Right now what i need to know is if you're interested in going, and get some applications filled out. As far as this is concerned I would really like to know by the end of January what my roster is going to look like. I will work out a payment schedule soon, but to give you an idea, I will need the first payment sometime in late February/early March and the final payment early April.

I know that this is going to be an awesome trip and an amazing experience for everyone on it. God has really blessed this trip in the past and I know that He will gladly bless it this year. I'm excited already, and I hope you are too.

So, if you read this and are interested, send me a message, email, or call me and I would be glad to get you more information or fill any blanks that I left out on here. If you think you know someone who would be interested, pass this on to them. I would love for our number to grow this year and to get more colleges involved in this ministry. You can email me at either of these addresses:

ncreeves@gmail.com
or
reevesnc@lipscomb.edu

Thanks and I hope to hear from you soon

Nate

can i quit now? please..

2006-11-30T08:16:00.000-06:00

so i created a "to do" list on tuesday, which was either a great decision or a very poor one.. sometimes it is nice to have written on paper everything that needs to be done in a certain timespan, and then, even better, to scratch those items off when they have been completed. well, there were about 20 different things on my list, at least 10 of which were school related, and i have scratched off maybe 2, only 1 school related. so here i am sitting in the lab at school, where i came to do a take-home test that was due on tuesday, and i read the instructions that say very clearly in bold type : NO LATE TAKE HOME TESTS WILL BE ACCEPTED. NO EXCEPTIONS! so.. what you're saying is, you're not going to accept it? oh well, that's one thing i can scratch off my list, not because it's finished, but because it is no longer necessary. i'll take it where i can get it at this point. i'm so stressed that i'm actually numb to the feeling.. i have been stressed for so long that i don't remember what it feels like to not be approaching a deadline of some sort. i think, i'm not sure, but i think, that people get paid for this sort of thing, to be stressed out all of the time. i have chosen to PAY to be stressed out.. it's backwards... what i keep telling myself right now is that if i can just make it to the weekend, THEN i'll get caught up.. HAAA!! i know myself better.. i just want to make it to the weekend so i can relax, sleep, watch some football, and wait until sunday night to start freaking out about all i have to do.. the semester is almost over, can i get a HALLELUJIA!! and hopefully by the grace of God, i will be graduating in may.. please say a prayer for that!
i went to new orleans over thanksgiving break to work with hilltop rescue to do some relief work and see the hines family. just a reminder here: if anyone has forgotten that new orleans got demolished by a hurricane a little over a year ago, refresh your memory! just because the media has moved our attention to whatever the current newsflash is doesn't mean that new orleans was magically rebuilt and refurbished while we weren't looking. it is unbelievable.. there are still thousands of homes that have gone completely untouched for over a year.. these people have been displaced for over 14 months, after losing everything they knew to be home. i'm no saint here, this is only the second time i have been since the storm, i just wanted to act as some sort of reporter to anyone who reads this, to remind you that our fellow citizens, americans, still need our help..
back to the world i want to escape from...

trying to keep my head above the water
NCR

a prayer..

2006-11-08T00:07:00.000-06:00

how do you love me like you do? how can your mercy never cease? how do you maintain an unconditional love for me, when i am constantly failing you? i have broken countless promises to you. i fall drastically short of your glory every single day. there is not one day that passes in which i earn a fraction of the love you pour out on me. so, how do you love me like you do? i want to know. i can't fathom how you can love me when i turn my back on you day in and day out. i don't want to do these things. i don't set out on a course to fall down. i want to live as you would have me to live. but my discipline fails me. i believe that i don't need your help, when the truth is that i can't do anything on my own. you are always here with me, even when i don't ask for your help, you are there. you follow through on your promises. i don't understand how you can show me grace when i make the same mistakes so often. i am weak. i know that you are strong, but it is hard for me to let go. i have moments. moments when i feel like i can hand it all over to you and sit in the passenger seat. these moments seem to pass by quickly and again i begin on my course destined for failure. how many times will i take this route? how can you follow me into the deepest parts of my sinful life and take me by the hand and lovingly lead me back to the path that jesus walked before me. i give up a sacred life with you for these empty desires and sins that come and go so quickly. i am so easily tempted and i fall for the same traps that satan has set up for me. yet everytime i come to you wounded and broken due to my own mistakes, you pick me up and make it right. you clean me and make me new. in my deepest, darkest moments you still love me. how? i don't understand your ways. i don't understand how you can love a sinner like me. i don't understand how you can continually want me to be with you when i continually act as if i don't know you at all. i'm lost. i don't know what direction i'm going or if i'm even going at all. what i want is to run after you. i want to be in your presence and know your face. this journey, my life, has been all mountains and valleys. i have been close to you, and i have completely denied you in my life. i don't know at what point i am right now. i know that i have been in a dark place for a while and i'm trying to find my way back to you. but i am weak. i need your help. and i don't know why you would help me, but i am so grateful for it. i am thankful for your love and appreciate everything you have done for me. i will fail you today. i will fail you tomorrow. please just help me get back on my feet when i do and love me like you always do. i love you.

your eyes don't decieve you..

2006-10-31T05:00:00.000-06:00

apparently it's been over 4 months since the last time i posted, and probably over a year since i have posted consistently. to be honest, i'm surprised i even remembered how to log on and remebered my password.. so, what has gotten into me? you might ask.. excellent question, i'll get back to you on that. i feel like this might be a good way for me to get back into some sort of rhythm again. if by some wild chance there is still anyone with extreme loyalty who still checks this site on a bi-monthly basis just to make sure that i didn't get crazy and write something, today might be your lucky day. i can think of a whole bunch of things that i would rather get on a lucky day than a post from a has-been blogger. in a way, i'm doing this to test myself. do i have the discipline that i once had? maybe. maybe not.
well, no matter what i do, i'm here now, so i'll write what is going on right now. at this very moment i have just taken a break from an all-nighter full of school work. but please, hold your sympathy, because i deserve nothing of the sort. i brought all of this upon myself, by being the super procrastinator that i am. so, i just wrote a 3 page essay in spanish over a book that i did not understand one-third of, followed by computer homework that i should have done during class, and bible lessons that were due last week. the term "senioritis" is a dramatic understatement. i'm on my 3rd cup of coffee in the past 4 hours and i'm pretty sure it's losing it's effect, so i'm going to have to move onto something stronger, maybe redbull or a starbucks doubeshot. if i don't find something, i'll be asleep by noon, and i can't afford to do that, because i have class until 9:30 tonight. once again, let me repeat, no sympathy.
i've been in somewhat of a rut for sometime now, and just like always, i started looking for the magical solution to jump back into the race (it's a metaphor) without warming up. somehow i imagine myself going from my daily routine without God, to a perfectly healthy relationship with God. a 180 degree turn around in one single day. i know, it sounds impressive. i dream big. unfortunately, as i'm sure you know from experience, it doesn't work that way. it doesn't work in a way remotely close to that one. so, i've been looking for God's guidance in my life. BUT i'm just so busy... you know what i mean? if you're not where i am, you've either been there or been in a place that looks just like it. you already read my current circumstance. that's just today. everyday is something else. i'm taking 18 hours this semester. that alone is a load to carry, but i've also been helping my dad coach high school girls soccer. which, by the way, is a completely different story that maybe someday i will invest the time to talk about. soccer was taking anywhere from 4 to 6 hours of my day. that plus school PLUS a social life right? what am i supposed to not have friends and have fun? seriously, my life is just ridiculously busy right now. SO busy, so incredibly busy, that i don't have 10 minutes so spare to read from the word. so jam packed with all of my important things that can't be put aside just for a few moments of solitude to pray to the one who is allowing me to live and breathe on this earth. i realize that i'm not telling a new story, or putting a new twist on an old story. you have been here. i'm just merely letting you read the pathetic excuses i use to not spend time with my God. i come up with some of the most petty reasons to get out of reading.. so now that i've run out of "good" excuses, i'm left with the honest truth- it's time to do something about it. i would like to be bold and say that i'm going to make all the necessary changes to get back to that place where i've been and i know i can be, but to be honest, i know it's going to take time and effort and God's help. so i pray a prayer that i always seem to fall back on:

MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

this is just a confession for me. this is something that i needed to do to get this off my chest so i can start walking again. i've said it before and i'll probably always say it, i'm a wreck, a mess, a disaster. hopefully this might encourage someone, i'm not trying to teach or preach, that's not my business. i'm just trying to get back on track. i could sure use your prayers. because you know that later today when i have a full plate it will be really easy for me to say "these things are important right now and this is what i need to do. i need to be productive, i'll pray later. i'll read tomorrow. i promise." no guarantees, but hopefully i can make it today.

NCR

the real world..

2006-06-15T21:59:00.000-05:00

i don't know about your life, but i'm positive that in mine, there's just not enough time in the day..i really do want to write. i want to write everyday. but.. i'm busy. since the last time i wrote, i had just returned from honduras, i rested for a couple of days, alyson came down to florida to visit, i flew to nashville to get my car, i drove to sarasota and i have been working since then. so.. needless to say i haven't had loads of extra time to sit down and let my thoughts out. i have had a lot on my mind, and i am hoping that this weekend i can relax a little and put some of these thoughts to words.
please continue to pray for my dad as he is going through tests right now. cancer is never beat until God beats it. please pray for complete and total healing. he needs prayer warriors. summer is always a busy and stressful time for him (as it is for all youth ministers!) and he needs energy and strength.

busy and tired.
NCR

back from honduras..

2006-05-25T10:32:00.000-05:00

just got back from honduras last night. what a trip it was. it was the first time for me to return there since i left last august after being there for 6 months. i'm glad to say that i did not bring any parasites home with me this time, but the trip went by way to fast, as it usually does. we worked primarily in san miguel, a village that has been hammered by satan over the past year. massive floods at the beginning of last summer, and internal problems in the church have left this village vulnerable. but God works through the best of times and the worst of times. i'll take this time to brag on one of God's soldiers in honduras, randy kluge. randy moved to honduras with his family last summer, and has been steadily working in san miguel ever since. he has poured his heart into this community, and the people there are reaping the benefits of his labor. he has started a food kitchen for children which will feed anywhere from 200-400 children per day, and more importantly, he has been the church's life support. this past week 5 new christians were added to our number. praise God for working through his servants.

i'll be writing again soon after i have some time to soak up this trip and gather my thoughts. God is good all the time.

NCR

here we go again..

2006-05-10T07:31:00.000-05:00

how long has it been? 5, 6 months? well, for whatever reason, i haven't been sharing my life with you. (this is all assuming that anyone even checks this anymore) but here i am again. sitting in front of my computer compelled to share with you. the past 6 months have been great lessons in life for me. so many times i wanted to take the time and write to put my thoughts out there to be seen and heard. not because i think my thoughts should be seen, but to get feedback on my thoughts. so that i can hear from you about your experiences, ideas, advice. i am young, and in no way do i feel capable or even worthy to speak on certain subjects, but at the same time, so many of you are capable and experienced to read my thoughts and share your responses and your own thoughts.
i have decided to name this blog "the journal of a wayward christian" no longer will i allow anyone to think that i am someone who i am not. hear me now when i say that i am not perfect, or anywhere near perfect. if you didn't think i was some great young man, good. i don't want any false impressions. don't get me wrong, i'm not trying to bash my own name, i'm just putting it out there that my life is messy. and i believe that the reason we are christians, the reason that you are my family, is so that we can share our lives with eachother. i'm convinced that this idea being out in the open, this idea of "messy spirituality" can bring us together in ways we never imagined. the things that i'm going through are likely the things that you are going through. "but no, i'm the only one dealing with that, because i never hear about anyone else struggling with it" if you have ever thought that- I'M RIGHT HERE! the devil has intricate schemes to trick us into believing something that is so far from the truth.
now i'm not saying that i am giving you the keys to every detail and dark corner of my life, but i am telling you that you and i are very much alike and that is beautiful. please, i sincerely ask, if you read this journal and desire to share with me, please, please do. i pray that you might be encouraged by my testimonies. i'm not here to teach, just to share and to be in communion with you.
please pray for me as i begin to re-build my relationship with Jesus. i leave for honduras in 5 days. this is my first time to go back since august and i have missed it. i am only going for 9 days, but i am so excited about being there again. i'm going to henderson this weekend to be with one of my best friends in the world, mariano, as he graduates. his parents from argentina are going to be there, and this will be the first time to meet them and spend time with them. pray for this experience as i know God will provide us opportunities to share with them. until next time...

NCR

not much time..

2005-10-04T00:59:00.000-06:00

finding it hard to make time to write my thoughts and feelings down during school and soccer. i will say though, that i am still daily amazed at God's constant love for me, though i fail so very often. He continues to pursue me and i continue to pursue him through the business and messiness of my life. i hope that you are trying to do the same.
it's His world, we're just livin in it

NCR

katrina relief in LA..

2005-09-21T17:14:00.000-06:00

packed up and went to mandeville, la on thursday and spent the weekend working with the relief team at the tammany oaks church of christ where tim hines is heading up the work and many TORCH members are helping to contribute to the ministry through relief work.
first of all.. the damage is unbelievable, but God is working powerfully through the volunteers there. i'm posting pictures of some of the areas that i saw and worked in, but as in most cases, pictures don't really do it justice. you need to see it for yourself. you need to go there and help those who are in need. i don't understand why it is so easy for us to pick up and leave the country to get dirty and sweaty to minister to people (not that that is a bad thing, i am not saying that at all, i love the work in foreign fields). what i am saying is that our fellow americans are hurting and suffering, and there is so much we can do to help. thousands of relief workers are there right now helping, but we, as christians need to be there ministering to them. there is no greater way to show Jesus than to go into someone's home that you don't know and help them scrub their floors and move out their ruined furniture and give them food and water, BUT don't stop there.. you are there with them, pray with them, talk to them about what Jesus has done in your life.
this is what is happening right now in lousiana. i know we can't all give our time, but we can give other things. visit toccrecovery.blogspot.com to see how you can help and get updates on the work that is going on. also keep those who are giving their time and efforts in your prayers. it is HOT in louisiana and many are outside working hard day after day. pray that God will open the hearts of those who are being ministered to, and keep those who are ministering focused and driven.
remember why we are here. remember our purpose to this world

NCR

quick update..

2005-09-13T13:07:00.000-06:00

not much time, and i know i haven't posted anything in a while, but i just wanted to post a quick request.
my dad has surgery the morning of the 15th, thursday, to remove the remaining melanoma from his side. please pray that the surgery goes well, and that this will remove the last of the cancer in his body, and that it will NOT come back again! thank you for your prayers and i really will write soon and maybe give you and update on what is going on in my life these days.. maybe...

NCR

update.

2005-08-19T09:59:00.000-06:00

back at freed, soccer is killing me, as expected..
i just want to thank everyone for being involved as prayer warriors for my dad. almost everyday i see someone or talk to someone that i haven't spoken to in a while, they ask me about my dad and tell me that he has been in their prayers. it is so amazing to be a part of a family like this family we are a part of. people from freed who are only aquaintances of mine are praying for my dad. i hear from friends that i haven't heard from in years telling me that my family is in their prayers. i cannot describe the level of appreciation that i feel when i hear about these prayers going up for my dad. and these are just the stories that i have heard.. i'm sure there are countless others that are sending up prayers to our father asking for health for my dad. God is hearing these prayers, i assure you..
as far as the treatments go... the electroporation was the most intense pain my dad says he has experienced throughout this whole process. each tumor was injected with a low level chemo drug that has a gene in it designed to reproduce the chemo drug after it is shocked. the actual shocking part lasts 7 seconds per tumor, so 28 seconds total. they are putting 50 volts through the needles (the human body can only take about 110-120). the machine used to send the shock is pretty intimidating. this part of the treatment is over now. he had 3 different treatments of the electroporation, and now it is a monitoring process until the 13th of september, when they will remove any excess cancer. what the doctors, and our family of course, are hoping and expecting is that this drug will kill the cancer cells and eventually destroy the tumors. what we are seeing right now as progress is that the tumors are in fact shrinking, which is remarkable news, and the doctors are very excited to see it working.
let us remember, however, that God is the great physician, and that He will be the one healing my dad. if these doctors are his vessels for doing so, praise Him for that. we have to keep relying on His awesome power to heal my dad.
thankyou for your prayers and concern for my family. please keep us in your prayers and continue praying for a total healing upon my dad. God will answer our prayers.
i'll keep you all updated when i know more

NCR

back home..

2005-08-05T22:12:00.000-06:00

sorry it's been so long. i arrived back in the states last friday, back in sarasota on saturday, and i've been getting settled and ready to unsettle and pack for school and spending time with the family. i have to say, it's nice to be home. there's nothing like it. and i have been reassured that sarasota is the most beautiful city in america. it IS america though, and it's been different getting used to that again. normally i've only been gone for a few weeks at a time, this time i've been away for 6 months, so being in the states feels a little different.
my dad had his first new treatment yesterday. for those of you who dont know, he is involved in a new clinical study for his cancer. he is one of the first people in the world to recieve this treatment, which is very exciting for us because this is a new technology that has worked very well in all of the research and studies. obviously, like all clinical studies, what happened in the labs isnt guaranteed to work on the patients, but we are hoping that it will be the case with dad. please keep him in your prayers. keep the doctors in your prayers, and pray that this will be something positive for my dad and the millions of others who suffer from this terrible disease.
i do plan on keeping up with the blog even though i am back from honduras. i plan on writing more of my thoughts about honduras after i've been home a little longer and i have gathered my thoughts some more.
thank you all for your prayers and support.

NCR

a day in the life..

2005-07-14T08:13:00.000-06:00

my dad's last group left on sunday, sad to see them go as it is with every group, but exciting to see the next group and what God will bring through them. in between trips i worked with my dad's group "the crew" he calls them. these are about 25 college age/ young adults that are staying here from the 1st of july until the 24th. on monday we spent the night in the luxurious marriott hotel getting a taste of the high life. 4 star hotel, but if i were them, i would at least have a jacuzzi and put the pool inside, that's just me.. on tuesday we set out for santa ana for what many refer to as a poverty simulation. we spent the day building a bodega(storage building) that we would end up staying in that night. it was bigger than a normal TORCH house, so it took us a little longer than normal, plus the added complications of 2 wood trucks getting stuck and having to push them out of the mud, and the always lovely getting poured on for a few hours while building. all in all we got about 85-90% of the house done, even after working in the dark using flashlights to see so the floor would be finished. we still lacked a major section of the wall, but the rains were coming down so hard and it was pitch black, we had to settle for what we had and finish in the morning. one of the steps of this poverty simulation was that every person was only allowed 4 items to bring for the night. 4 items would include anything from your toothbrush, deodorant, blanket, pillow, socks, shirt, food, water, etc.. you had 4 items and that was it. so we were all soaking wet, trying to settle in to a house that had an open wall, rain is coming down, and the temperature is dropping fast. LUCKILY, and i really do mean it, steve kemp was there, he started a fire that probably saved us all, and kept it going all night. most of us were by the fire for the majority of the night trying to warm up and dry off. stretching it i might have got an hour of sleep. one of those absolutely miserable nights that i will for sure NEVER forget. the next day we stayed at the land and we were all given 20 limperas(the currency here) for our previous days work. one dollar. that is what the average honduran makes in a day. granted, a dollar goes farther here than it would in the states. i bought 3 small bags of chips, a water, and 2 small packages of bread for 20 limps. in the states you wouldnt be able to buy food AND a drink. then again, in the states, you would have more than one dollar... that night we were picked up around 5 o'clock to return to the city, get some dinner and most importantly get some sleep. i would say all in all the simulation went well. if it hadn't been so cold, it wouldn't have been so miserable. but if it hadn't been so cold, maybe i wouldn't have got the point the way i did. i WILL appreciate a good night's sleep in a comfortable, warm bed. i will appreciate getting paid $10 per hour instead of $1 per day. i will appreciate a house with 4 walls and a neighborhood with no roosters crowing and dogs barking at all hours. i will appreciate all those things and more, but i will NEVER understand what it is like to live like a honduran lives. we lived for 36 hours in an environment LIKE one that a honduran lives in. in all reality, our situation was still better. but i knew, everyone knew, that the longest it could possibly last would be 2 days. i can't level with someone who goes home to a house like that, or worse, every night in rain, cold, hot, dry whatever condition it may be. i can't level with someone who only earns a dollar a day working harder than i work in the states. i can't level with someone who has to make decisions on how to spend that one dollar. whether to buy food for their family, a blanket to keep their little boy warm, save it to buy their little girl a pair of pants, or try and make some sort of repair to their shanty house. i cannot understand that.. neither you nor i will ever know what that feels like, we can't fool ourselves into believing that we can feel their needs. now, i might be able to see the picture a little bit more clearly, but i'm nowhere close to seeing the whole thing in focus. think about it...

blessed beyond comprehension
NCR

been sick..

2005-07-08T06:51:00.000-06:00

it even gets to the best of us. it's a bit comical considering probably 2 days before i got it i was telling someone that i couldnt get sick because my body was used to everything here. my stomach was made of steel. or not.. i got what is fondly called "the dance of the shoo shoo" which i wont go into any detail, but those of you who know what i am talking about, KNOW what i'm talking about..i've lost about 7 or 8 pounds in the past 3 days. (we're thinking about selling this diet in the states.. the marketing is still at the drawing board)
my dad's first group leaves for lake yajoa today, it's been a great trip so far, and if you are interested in checking on what they have been up to, since i've been unable to update, check out their blogsite- http://childrenoftheking.blogspot.com
i'll leave you with a verse from hezekiah chapter 40 verse 12
"if you ever think the bottom is falling out of your world, try drinking the water in honduras, then you'll think the world is falling out of your bottom."

a "lighter" version of me..
NCR

a thin line..

2005-06-25T22:48:00.000-06:00

Today we worked in san Miguel, a community that has been pounded by rain and flooding for the past few weeks. I’m posting pictures, but unfortunately they do the scene no justice. We went there with plans of donating food and clothing, and to work on some sites that had been damaged and affected by the flooding and mudslides. First of all, san Miguel didn’t look like the san Miguel I knew last year. I saw it a few weeks ago after the last flood and it had changed the whole landscape then, but only a week later, after only a couple days of rain, the landscape had been totally changed again. I cannot begin to describe to you the level of need in this community. Just this community. I won’t even mention the other communities around the city that are in just as poor of conditions. 6 people died in Tegucigalpa on Friday due to flooding and landslides. 2 of which came from los pinos, where TORCH has worked heavily the past 3 years. The problem is that there is no time for recovery. The rains have been coming so frequently that the struggle is just to get up from the knock down, just to get rid of the mud that has slid onto the plot of land before the next big rain comes. They don’t have time to think ahead for a plan that might save them in the future, all they have time for is to recover from the last hit. If they had time, money, ability, then maybe they could build retaining walls, gutters, etc. to help the problem. They have none of those. Today we got to san Miguel before the group to scout projects. The mi esperanza interns walked around most of the village and found that the need was extensive. We took a small crew to dig mud from behind a woman’s house that had piled up half the back wall and began to push it in. an extreme task for a group of 5, but they did well and made pretty good progress. After I dropped them off I went with lana to check out a few other places to see where we could be of help. This is where my dilemma began today. The first site, where we dropped off the first crew was bad off to begin with, a single mother, living in a shack( it is not like I have not ever seen this situation before). But her house was ready to go, there were ruts through the inside of her house where water was flowing. Her back wall was ready to give way to the mud pushing against it. I saw another house, let me put that differently and listen to the way it sounds, and think about this when you see the picture- I saw another home. A house that was home to a blind woman. Part of me wishes that you could see this circumstance, but part of me doesn’t wish that, because it is disconcerting to think about a woman who can not see trying to live in this position. Her house, like the other had been severely damaged by the flooding, to the point that we couldn’t find a safe way to access the house. How is a blind woman going to get there. She is currently living at the church building, which has become a refuge for those whose homes are not in livable conditions. One woman living at the church lost her home, she has twin babies and no husband. Many stories to tell, but I don’t want this to be overbearing. What I began to wonder was, at what point is the need more abundant than the resources to fulfill the need. Where do we say “we can help you, but we can’t help you”? if we dig out the back of this house today, and it rains tonight, will their predicament be better, worse tomorrow? I don’t know what I think right now, I just know that I saw a community stricken today, and it seems like hope is a stretch. Granted, I know that my cynical stance is due to the fact that I was in it first hand today.
Pray for safety, pray that God will put his hand on this city, pray that God will use TORCH, use us to minister to the people who need Him, to see that need and to do all that is within our power to fulfill that need. Pray that in a time of despair, that the people of this country will look to God for help.

NCR

2005-06-25T22:46:00.000-06:00

this is a picture of the blind woman's house. it doesnt do it justice, but it gives you an idea.. just imagine...

2005-06-25T22:45:00.000-06:00

a number of our group helping a man on crutches across the river. there was way he could have made it alone..

2005-06-25T22:43:00.000-06:00

at the church building, it looks like a zoo, because it was a zoo. this was before the distribution even started

2005-06-25T22:41:00.000-06:00

this used to be a soccer field, now a full blown river running through the community.. this is at a low point. it had been dry in the city for almost 12 hours

free the oppressed..

2005-06-22T21:40:00.000-06:00

today was a very special day for the group. we went out to an area called zambrano, where there is a children's home run by jimmy hughes, an incredible man with an incredible story. he has come from a rough background, and after finding Jesus, he decided to help children from circumstances not so different from his own. there is a rehabilitation center, housing drug addicts, ex-gang members, etc.. also, there is a children's home for younger children, who come from extreme circumstances. for example, 2 of the children watched gang members murder their mother, stabbing her 115 times, then stabbed the older brother 22 times, and gashed the little girl's head open, leaving them both for dead wrapped in a blanket in the corner of the room. there are plenty of stories just like that one coming from these children. but they are being loved, they are being rehabilitated, and Jesus is working in their lives changing them and making them stronger. it is a wonderful place to take TORCH groups so they can see another side of life that we are not used to in the states.
after we left there we went to the suyapa catholic church. it wasnt until today when i went there that i realized i hadnt been there for 7 years. it is an amazing building, beautiful architecture with stained glass windows. we sang for about 20 minutes and the echo is unbelievable. you will literally sit for 7 or 8 seconds listening to the echo after every song.
after that we went to the school for the blind, which is always a trip favorite. we had the cotton candy machine going, and sang together for about half an hour. i have been there probably 30 times, and the children there always display a purity that i never see at home. they love singing, and they are so joyful and loving.
much more work to do.
pray for us

NCR

busy..

2005-06-22T06:43:00.000-06:00

we're still stayin busy with gayle's group. they have already built 6 houses, done 2 medical clinics, and worked a lot out at santa ana. not much time to tell all the great stories, but i'll post some pictures and blog a little more soon. today we are going out to an orphanage for children from extreme circumstances run by a great man named jimmy hughes. as always keep us in your prayers that we can be Jesus and see Jesus in everything we do.

NCR

2005-06-17T21:27:00.000-06:00

the picture doesnt show, but the view from these sites was amazing

2005-06-17T21:26:00.000-06:00

the 2 houses from today, 6/17

new neighbors

2005-06-17T21:22:00.000-06:00

built 2 houses today, right beside eachother. i mean RIGHT beside eachother.. you could pretty much walk from one roof to the next. i didnt have the guts, or foolishness to try it, so i consider that a pretty wise decision.. i did almost chop my foot off with a chainsaw, my expertise in this area since i've been doing it for 8 or 9 years proved to do... absolutely nothing. i'm still at risk! not much to say tonight.. i'm pretty worn out from today. there are a couple of pictures here for your viewing pleasure. long day tomorrow, concrete at santa ana.
gotta go clean the room.. 5 guys in a room = stench

NCR

welcome to honduras.. # 1

2005-06-16T21:21:00.000-06:00

this is the first of many more to come about the events that can only happen here..
this morning the interns worked cleaning the storage room at the mission house to get it ready for the summer- cleaning, sorting tools, etc.. then we went to find some clothes hampers for the guys, and some odds and ends things that everyone might need for the summer. little did we know that finding clothes hampers would be a mission. we went to FIVE different stores, and these arent little stores, these are huge stores, pricemart- no hampers, carrion, 3 level store- no hampers.. nothing.. so next we go to the warehouse, where we are to clean up and get ready for gayle's container, which is supposed to come at 3. "supposd to" being the key phrase. at around 3:45 the container arrived, we were ready to get that thing unloaded. to our dismay, the semi breaks down 100 feet away from the warehouse.. do we dare unload it onto the flatbed truck and make trips? NOO.. we will wait until the other semi truck gets here for the ole switcheroo.. ok, sure, that sounds like a plan.. at least half an hour later, the next truck comes, gets hooked up to the trailer, and backs it up.. almost there! but no.. the amateur driver can't manuever the trailer through the warehouse gate. EVERY other driver can, but this guy cant.. 6:45 comes around and we decide to do what? that's right, we move the semi back onto the road and unload on to the flatbeds and make trips. so 2 and half hours later we finish up and head up for dinner at 9:15.
gayle's first group got here today and the rest get here tomorrow. safe travel today, and hopefully more tomorrow.

tired, and smelling BAD
NCR

i'm a believer..

2005-06-16T06:52:00.000-06:00

ok, let's talk yesterday.. i couldnt tell if anything was posting on my blog, so i waited until this morning to write, but as you will see from the pictures, we had an interesting morning. we went to san miguel first to drop off a concrete mixer, so i got to see the flood damage, and let me tell you, this past group has done incredible work to help that community. next, we went out to santa ana to drop off a concrete block maker. let me set the situation up for you, then you can look at the pictures under this blog.
the concrete block maker was in the back of a white, flatbed truck, and this piece of machinery weighs a solid half-ton. the goal was to go around the back of the property and drive it through a gate and set it up in the middle of the property. the only problem with this, is that there was a huge mudpit in between the main road and the gate.. HUGE mudpit.. as soon as i see this mudpit, i think to myself, and outloud- "there is no way this is going to happen". the plan is, that joe's blue land cruiser, will tow this flat bed truck, WITH the concrete block maker, through the mudpit, AND up a series of rocks. this is no terrain for a flatbed truck. joe's confidence was funny to me, because i was a doubter.. "no problem" he says, as i laugh to myself.. "ok buddy, i'm rootin for you" so the trucks head into the mudpit and the flatbed sinks fast, and i'm ready to start making fun of joe. joe, however, remained confident.. with the tow strap secured tightly to the frame of the flatbed, joe tugged and tugged until he finally got the flatbed moving. once it started moving it went pretty smoothly from there.. THROUGH the mudpit, and UP the rock hill, into the gate, where i was heckled by joe for ever doubting the land cruiser.. i will point out, though, that i threw a rock under joe's tire right before he got the truck out that could have possibly been the game changing performance, but i dont want to take all the credit, so.. good job joe. check out the pictures
the interns arrived yesterday afternoon, good to have them here and gayle's group comes today. the summer has begun! keep us in your prayers and i'll update again soon

believing in the power of land cruisers..
NCR

2005-06-15T16:32:00.000-06:00

that would be the truck out of the mudpit, climbing some rocks, and being pulled by joe's truck

2005-06-15T16:30:00.000-06:00

no way..the truck is actually moving

2005-06-15T16:29:00.000-06:00

"there is NO way that truck is gonna make it out of the mudpit"..

2005-06-15T16:27:00.000-06:00

a rear view of the mudpit..

the sweet smell of polution..

2005-06-14T15:36:00.000-06:00

that's right, i'm back.. or did you even know i was gone? i was in the states for about 2 weeks and i just returned to honduras today. my cousin got married at the beginning of june, so i flew back and drove to TN for a few days (what a good cousin) and i spent another week and a half at home in sarasota. the wedding was great, and it was nice to spend time with family, and it's always good to be home, especially when home is sarasota. it's good to be back in honduras, nothing like that runway landing, and the smell of diesel welcomes you as you walk off the plane. the rain continues check out mark connell's team blog to see some pictures and read about the stories of their week http://torchone.blogspot.com. i'll be updating again soon once i get more settled.

NCR

let there be light..

2005-05-21T06:47:00.000-06:00

this morning, believe it or not, i walked out of my room to see the sun...SHINING! the rain has finally gone, the hurricane passed us up, and maybe, just maybe it will start warming up around here. yesterday was another really rainy day, so it altered the schedule again. in the morning a small group of us went to the IRC warehouse, the rest of the group packed food at the mission house. in the afternoon we headed outside the city to an orphanage called bencaleth, the special needs orphanage. this was the first time that i have been able to go there in 4 or 5 years, and most of the people on the trip had never been there. the kids in this orphanage are handicapped, mentally and physically, and most of the cases are severe. needless to say, hearts were broken. steve kemp, a veteran TORCHER from nashville found out that his boy that he fell in love with passed away about a month ago. as hard as that was for him, he still poured out his love on the other children there, who are in desperate need of being loved. they are making great strides there. their schooling and rehabilitation are helping the kids in great ways. it was beautiful to hear everyone's stories as we talked about where we saw jesus yesterday.
today we are heading back out to the valley of angels to finish our houses. my house only lacks the floor, and the other house only lacks the roof and floor. hopefully the sun will stay!
time to go, another great day ahead. keep praying

NCR

a day to remember..

2005-05-20T06:34:00.000-06:00

yesterday was one of THOSE days.. let me welcome everyone to rainy season in honduras. it has rained everyday since my dad's group got here. the first night we were supposed to go to the jesus statue, no, it rained, on wednesday night we were supposed to have devo at the jesus statue, no.. so yesterday, if weather was to permit, we were going to build 2 houses. we woke up, beautiful day. not too sunny, but not that cloudy, and the temperature was cool, but not cold. we headed out to the valley of angels to build, where joe was meeting us with the wood, and carlos toledo, the preacher at the church there( who we have tagged with the name- holy toledo). the wood had already been dropped off at the first sight, so my crew headed up, and i do mean UP, to our sight. most of the crew is carrying the wood up to the sight while a few of us get the post holes dug. simple, easy. we had our post holes dug and set the posts in probably 15 minutes. had the bottom boards ready and set the rest of the posts in another 30. things were looking great.. started to sprinkle.. "actually i wouldnt mind if it rained it would be kinda nice" one of the guys chimes in, i don't hold this statement against him, he has never been here before.. the flood gates were opened. all our walls are up, and it was time to start the roof. (let me go back for just a second and tell you that i put the chainsaws together before we left yesterday morning). so it's time for the roof, and i take the chainsaw and start it up and start to cut the posts to put the roofing rafters on, and i'm tellin you, it was NOT cutting, as if it were just REALLY dull. so i try the other one, same thing, not cutting at all.. by this time the rain is in full blast, and the wind isn't making the combination pleasant. so me and brilliant chainsaw comprehending mind decided to take them apart, and try something new, so i take the blades off to turn them around, only i turn them back around to the same direction they were in when they weren't cutting.. i try them again, and, you guessed it, won't cut.. i send a local to see if they can find a hand saw, because we are at a standstill until we can cut these posts to start the roof. we wait a solid hour and a half and tim calls me to check on progress with the chainsaws, and suggests turning the blades around to face the other direction.. of course, in my mind, i had already tried this, but why not? it was pouring rain, we were all freezing, and something HAD to work. i turn them around and what do you know.. they are cutting through the wood like butter. can i remind you at this point in the story that it is STILL raining, and it's just getting colder.. so we finally start on the roof, and by this time my hands are numb from it being so cold, and i can't really feel the nails that i'm hitting, so i end up hitting my fingers just as much as the nails, and i'm shivering as i'm walking around on the roof rafters, the slippery roof rafters. i mean, you could see your breath it was so cold.. see your breath.. IN HONDURAS! so we finish the roof, and barely get started on the floor, and it's time to go.. we load all the tools and head down to the bus and on the way down i think to myself.. i believe that i have a jacket in my backpack.. oh yes, i did, and i didnt even know it until the day was OVER!!! THAT was a perfect ending to the day! we got back home and a hot shower never felt so good. the group came over for dinner and we had devo at the house, and tim and my dad surprised the group with tickets to star wars.. in which i fell asleep half way through, but the first half was good!.. just another day in the exciting world of TORCH missions. a day i'm sure no one who was soaking wet and freezing will not forget any time soon..

still drying out and cold
NCR

stayin busy..

2005-05-14T20:01:00.000-06:00

well another week has gone by, and i've been here for 3 months already.. i can't believe how fast the time goes. i guess you dont really realize it when you are busy. just a quick update to let you know what i've been up to. this week we have been getting ready for the summer. getting tools ready, sorting tools, gloves, levels, shovels, picks, etc.. we worked on the IRC warehouse to get the medical room ready for air conditioning to keep the medicines in a better environment, and dalton and i inventoried the medicines for gayle. i did the yard here at the house, that was a day job, tim and gena's yard is a lot bigger than ours at home, and there are more pine needles in their yard than i have ever seen. last night i went to a lock out at los pinares, dylan is part of a club called challenge club, and last night the kids camped out on the soccer field at the school. tim spoke about elijah and they had a bonfire with smores (by the way, honduran marshmellows are disgusting!). today i worked on the land rover, trying to get it ready for the summer. my dad's trip gets here on tuesday, so it won't slow down for a little while. i'll write more when the group gets here
NCR

2005-05-10T16:58:00.000-06:00

a view from the top of a big rock on the beach.. gorgeous

2005-05-10T16:56:00.000-06:00

a picture of the waves from the first afternoon

2005-05-10T16:54:00.000-06:00

these guys played for about 2 hours as if it were the world cup. .i kept my skills to myself, didnt want to embarass anyone

2005-05-10T16:51:00.000-06:00

probably still hopeful about becoming a surfer at this point..

a new found respect..

2005-05-10T07:32:00.000-06:00

this weekend joe and i went to el salvador to visit one of our good friends, anibal, and to see the sights. it was about a 6 hour bus ride, but we were at the border for 2 hours on the way there. it was packed and there was hardly any organization. we finally made it there and hung out with anibal on thursday night. one of the things that joe and i wanted to do while we were there was to try out surfing.. so we headed out to the beach friday morning with some boards and high spirits. the waves were perfect learning waves, so anibal says, so we were ready. now let me preface my thoughts before i tell you how things went. i have always considered myself a sportsman. i'm not denying that my ego might have led me to believe that i am a better athlete than i truly am, but nonetheless, i have thought of myself as a pretty good athlete. for the most part, when i have tried a sport whether it be indoor, outdoor, water, snow, etc., i have been able to hold my own. so let me get back to my surfing experience.. anibal gives joe and i the rundown on what we needed to know before we get into the water, and i felt pretty good about things. because from what i hear, surfing is like snowboarding.. and i can do pretty well on a snowboard. so we hit the water and start paddling. paddling.. a word that now makes me cringe. the break was probably a couple hundred yards out, so the idea is to paddle to the left of the waves and move over once you get out to them. well anibal scoots right out there, i think he had some sort of motor under his board. i am coming to the consideration that all other surfurs that day had these motors except for me and joe. it wasnt that i just felt like i wasnt going anywhere when i paddled, it was that i definitely wasnt going anywhere when i paddled. the current just kept me in one place, or took me further back. so i finally get out to the break, and by this time i am already worn out. anibal tells me to just ride the wave in, like bodyboarding, on my stomach and get the feel of the wave. so i do that.. after i had run over a bodyboarder, the wave that i caught took me almost all the way back in to the beach. i felt pretty good about it, that is until i realized that i was all the way back in! all that means is that i have to paddle my way back out. by this time i have given myself a terrific rash on my chest. it's just not a good combination the way you lay on the board, and the way your chest moves against the board when you paddle. so not only am i tired, but my chest is killing me as well. i went back out and rode one more wave in on my chest, and i went back to the room. we went back out again that afternoon and saturday morning, but i had zero luck in the surfing department. this is my new found respect.. surfers.. i guess i really just had no clue what kind of shape they are in, and the talent it takes to be a surfer. i apparantly am not in that kind of shape, and i didnt even get to find out what kind of talent i have because i only caught maybe 5 waves the whole weekend. a very humbling experience to say the least.. all in all it was a great weekend.
one week from today the first TORCH group of the summer comes, so busy is the word. yesterday joe, gena, and i cleaned the outside of the warehouse, built a store for a lady at los pinos, and yesterday afternoon with some help from the los pinos guys we unloaded my dad's container at the warehouse. THAT was a task! mark connell got here sunday afternoon and it's great to have him here. he has been a great influence on my life and he's like another dad to me. the summer is here! please keep us in your prayers.

not quite a pro-surfer yet..NCR

2005-05-01T20:34:00.000-06:00

yes, that white stuff on the ground is hail.. in honduras..

when honduras freezes over..

2005-05-01T20:30:00.000-06:00

Well I never would have guessed it, but it hailed today.. I was enjoying a nice Sunday afternoon nap when I woke up to the sound of thunder and rain. So I thought to myself, “well this will be nice.. rain hitting the roof, great to sleep to.” Or not.. I got up to see what all the ruckus was and when I opened my door, I saw hail EVERYWHERE. So I put on a jacket and ran to the garage where I could watch it better.
It was really beautiful actually. And it was a great reminder of the power of God. We see thunderstorms all of the time in the states, but it has only rained a few times since February here, so to see hail and a monster thunderstorm was a refreshing sight.
NCR

a chosen race..

2005-04-24T22:03:00.000-06:00

today i was reading from the word and i happened to run across a passage that i highlighted a few years ago from psalm 139. i caught a note in 1 peter that brought my attention to the passage, and it hit me again so i wanted to share it with you.
1 peter 2:9-10
but you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God's own possesion, that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; for you once were not a people, but now you are the people of God; you had not recieved mercy, but now you have recieved mercy.
what a blessing!! look at the first part of that verse- God has chosen us.. he chose me, a sinner, to be part of His chosen race, a royal priestood, a holy nation. how many times have i fallen short of that title.. how many times have i been unworthy to be part of His holy nation.. but He still loves me. He still calls me to do what? to proclaim the excellencies of Him, because He called me out of the darkness into His marvelous light. such beautiful words for a beautiful meaning. His light IS marvelous! and His works ARE excellent!
now psalm 139 vs. 3-4; 17-18
You scrutinize my path and my lying down, you are intimately aquainted with all my ways. even before there is a word on my tongue, behold o Lord, you know it all..
how precious also are Your thoughts to me o God! how vast is the sum of them! if i should count them, they would outnumber the sand..
God has not only called us to be part of His nation, He is intimately aquainted with all our ways. His thoughts for us are constant! it is hard for me to even fathom having the capability to have a constant thought about one person, but God is thinking of us all, constantly.. how amazing.. God doesnt take days off. He doesnt go on vacation to get away from it all. He always knows my heart, He always knows my ways. and He loves me without conditions. can you think for a second about knowing what another person is thinking, or even knowing what they will say or do before they act? it would be difficult to look past some things.. it would be difficult to know those secrets, and still love that person unconditionally. wouldnt it? what an incredible God we have!

Father, i'm grateful for Your love. i am grateful that You do not look at me through the world's eyes. i'm grateful that You have chosen me to be a part of your holy nation. You have chosen me to be in Your royal priesthood. I'm grateful for the loving High Priest that came to earth, willingly, to take the burden of my sins, so that i can be with You forever. Father thank you for showing me mercy. thank you for knowing me inside and out, and for always thinking of me. i deserve nothing, but you give me everything.. i praise you God for being marvelous, for your excellencies! where would i be without You? Father, please lead me to be the man that you call me to be. show me the opportunities that You have planned for me. open my eyes to see Your glory, to see Your face.
i will give thanks to You, for i am fearfully and wonderfully made. wonderful are your works

NCR

2005-04-24T17:47:00.000-06:00

KFC for linda's birthday party.. hangin with colonel sanders on the bench

catch up a little

2005-04-24T16:43:00.000-06:00

it's been a while i know.. i've been hearing it from the complaints department, i aplogize for not keeping up, but i assure you, very much has been going on, and i want you all to know about it.
first, i'll catch you up since it has been so long. IRC has been busy working on a piece of property outside the city. plans are running wild on this land, opportunities abound there. first, Lord willing, we are going to build 23 concrete houses that IRC is in charge of. this will be something that TORCH and IRC has never done, literally start a new community. next marc tindell's group from mississippi is going to plant a church there, and i have no doubt that God is going to bless this. also on the drawing board are a children's home, a clinic, and a site to run the mi eperanza program full blast. so many things, please keep this in your prayers.
last week joe threw a birthday party for linda. linda goes to los pinos and she stole joe's heart last year. joe invited linda, and her brothers and sisters and cousins, her mom and her aunt. 9 total and we went to KFC. they happen to have the biggest playground in tegucigalpa, so needless to say, the kids were thrilled. it was such a joy to watch them, i doubt they have ever been on a playground, especially one like this. between the chicken and the free refill fountain drinks and the playground, they didnt know what to do with themselves! a birthday i'm sure linda will never forget, and it was a reminder to me how much joy these children have to give.
yesterday we built a house with challenge club, a club from dalton and dylan's school los pinares. there were about 25 5th and 6th graders and a few teachers. so... the house didnt go quite as quickly as normal, but we finished the floor this afternoon and joe and i will put some finishing touches on it tomorrow. it was fun to work with the kids, few of which knew how to operate a hammer, but they were all excited to help.
full blast is about to hit for the summer.. we are getting ready for the first trip, coming in less than a month! after that it will be nonstop for TORCH this summer. i'm really excited about this summer, and i can't believe it's almost here.
sun burned and loving it.. NCR

a week with the man..

2005-04-13T21:30:00.000-06:00

my dad, that is.. some of you who know him, might find it odd that he would vacation to the place that he probably works the most. well, it is a little odd, but when a guy wants to visit his son, he wants to visit his son. so he came, and believe it or not, he actually didnt work himself to death, we barely let him do any kind of work at all. he did a lot of thinking and planning for this summer, that is something that we can't stop him from doing.. it was a great week. not only was he here, but also mark tindell, and 2 ladies from melbourne, ute and denise came to visit.
it was really nice to get some time with my dad, away from home, and especially in a place that we both love so much. we got to brainstorm a lot and more importantly we just spent time together. not that i would ever need reinforcement, but this past week made me realize how blessed i am to have the parents that i do. i pray that my children will look at me the way i look at my parents. i give so much credit to them for who i am and where i am. they raised me to be a man of God, and to follow after His will, and they have been behind me through my journey. always supportive of me, especially now in my ministry here.
we had to say our goodbye's, but it was not so hard knowing that he will be back again in a little over a month with a group to start off our summer.
thanks dad for a great week
NCR

what a week..

2005-04-03T18:33:00.000-06:00

jen wright's group left today, and it was a great week. 33 out of 34 of them had never been here before, and it was only jen's second trip. i have to brag on her.. she led a group of 34 people down to honduras, and they shared in the joy that we've all shared because she went home and told them how God changed her heart here. now if you ask her, she will give all of the glory to God, which is the truth, but she was the vessel, and she did a wonderful job as a first time leader, on her SECOND trip! i'm very proud of her.
this team built 5 houses, and a playground for casitas kennedy, a state run orphanage. the playground was a really good project for this team. they went all out on it, and it showed. it turned out to be a hit, and the kids loved it. this orphanage was in great need of something like this to give it a boost, and i think it will make a big difference there.
they gave out close to 300 bags of food, and ministered to the people here in so many different ways. they were a great encouragement to me, and a great blessing to the people that God led them to.
it is very refreshing to watch new TORCHERS fall in love with this place and the people. to watch God mold their hearts, and show them a passion that they never knew they had. at night we would listen to where they saw Jesus that day, and it was beautiful to hear them talk about what had not only made an impact in their day, but had changed their lives.
it made me start thinking of how God pursues us. why were these people here, at this particular time? i talked to a few of them about how they were feeling, and about how God was moving in their hearts. they were here at the right time, when they were ready for God to break their hearts, so that they can see things more clearly, and so that they can be a different person in the states, shining Jesus' light. God pursues all of us. it's not that He just pursues us... He CHASES us. He wants us to walk with Him, and He will pursue us constantly, no matter where we are. i don't always understand why He pursues me, but i always feel Him, whispering in my ear that His way wil give me the peace that i am looking for. His way will make me into the man that i want to be. so.. how is God pursuing you? what is He whispering in your ear? where has he brought you from, to make you who you are?
NCR

it's been a while..

2005-03-25T16:34:00.000-06:00

it's been another couple weeks, and i still can't believe how fast the time goes. the past week we have been busy getting ready for the group that got here today from ohio. setting up projects- a concrete project at san miguel church, a playground at casitas kennedy, and also they are going to build 6 houses. they arrived safely and are getting settled in at the mission house right now. it is going to be a great week. tomorrow we start out strong, with the concrete project, it is going to be one of those days when you are covered in sweat and dirt by 10 in the morning, and the end of the day you are so tired you can barely move, but it will be a great day to get to know everyone and put them to the test! keep us in your prayers as we look for the opportunities that God has for us this week, that we will die to ourselves and He will live through us.
i'll be writing again soon
NCR

time flies..

2005-03-10T01:56:00.000-06:00

well i have been here for a month already. i can't believe it. it really seems like yesterday i got here, but i've been here for a MONTH! my stay here is already 1/6 over.. but let me tell you all, in just one month here, God has blessed my life more than i could have imagined He would the whole time. and there is so much more to come! God has been so faithful for the past month, the past few months in fact. i know that it was because of God that i was financially able to come here, and because of God that the doors were opened at this point in my life. this month God has been faithful to many requests. i have asked God for opportunities here. He has given them in abundance. i have told you of our weekly praise and prayer, we met again tonight and God was here in our presence, and He was exalted tonight. God has brought us together with fellow christians, so that we can encourage one another, and make eachother stronger. i was BLESSED with the opportunity to work with a group called manos extendidos , outstretched hands, this past saturday. we went up to a very poor village on the outskirts of teguc. and sang children's songs, had a short lesson, gave out some cookies and drinks, and played with the kids. it was such a joy to be around these children. it is amazing to see a child, who lives in poverty, light up when you give them something that seems so insignificant, a cookie, a limpera(the currency here- 18 limperas to 1 american dollar). not only are they happy that you gave them a pack of cookies, but they want to share them. Marcos was the boy that i connected with on saturday. one of the cutest kids i have ever come across, but he was a wild one! A.D.D for sure! but his heart was golden. during the lesson, Paul was asking the children if they had joy, and all of the kids were excited and they screamed "SI!!!" (YES!!! for the linguistically challenged) so Paul asked them to give an example of something that gave them joy.. not many had anything to say, so i looked down at Marcos on my lap, and i said why aren't you answering? what gives you joy? and he whispered in my ear - "my joy is that you came here today". talk about melting my heart.. the heart of a child. i truly understand why Jesus told us that we should have the heart of a child. so pure, so full of love, so innocent. In Mt. ch. 18 vs. 3 Jesus tells us “unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven.” i pray that God will teach me to love like a child loves, to see past things that we so often can't get over. to be joyful like a child. we have reason to be joyful, we have reason to love. because we are loved. God loves us more than we can fathom. and it is unconditional.. a word i find hard to relate to the love that i give out..

God is showing me. God is leading me. and God is molding me.

tim is back now, and he has hit the ground running. I have no doubt it will be a busy next month, and I look forward to every bit of it. There is a group coming from Ohio at the end of this month, only a few weeks away, and I am really excited for them to be here. There is much work to be done, and I know they are anxious to do it. We will be working with them on their projects, they will be here for about 9 days. Until then, we will be working hard and planning their trip, looking for where God wants them to work.

thank you for your prayers and encouragement. it has been a great month, and i know there is more to come! please stay in touch, it is great to hear from back home.
- seeking and finding-
NCR

update

2005-03-03T09:24:00.000-06:00

hello everyone, it's been a little while since i've given an update, so i wanted to let you all know what has been going on here.
last tuesday joe and i went out to santa lucia, the site where the cucuy project was supposed to be but has been changed due to some problems with the forrest there. joe and i went there to pick up the tools that had been left, and put on a few screws that were lacking on the roof. it is very beautiful there, quiet and peaceful.
on wednesday we had a light day. wednesday night we continued with our weekly devo of praise and prayer. we had about 6 or 7 show up and it was a great time to be with some fellow americans to praise God.
thursday we had a meeting with the owner of the land that we are intending to buy for the new site of the cucuy project. Rueben is giving us a piece of land, and is offering another large piece of land to us at a great price. we got the tax information, the land measurements and a few other papers.
on friday we went out to jovenes en camino to pick up TORCH's concrete block maker. joe, gena, and myself went there thinking we would just pick it up and toss it in the back of the truck. HA! first of all, it was bolted to the ground, where the bolts were nice and rusted, so we had to break them off with a makeshift hammer. THEN, we realized the beast of a task we had before us- the machine had to have weighed 600 lbs. luckily a few workers at the orphanage were there to help us. with a ramp, some pipe, a winch, and a lot of pushing we managed to get the machine into the back of the truck. we will eventually move the machine out to the new site for the cucuy project.
saturday morning i played in a soccer tournament at baxter. there were about 8 teams from different congregations around tegucigalpa. it was a good time to have fun and get to know some christian men from around the city.
monday we went to the mi esperanza house for a little while where gena is doing her beauty class. she is happy with their progress so far. that night we went to baxter to play soccer with some of the guys from los pinos. dalton and dylan went, and joe played for a little while.. well joe tried to play... i'll give him the benefit of the doubt, he's a basketball player.
yesterday we had a meeting with the ministerio publico about the land at santa lucia to let them know that IRC is done building there. they are concerned about destroying the forrest there, so we want them to know for sure that we will not be doing anymore construction there. we also met with the owner of the land, to make sure she understands that we are not working there anymore. last night we had our praise and prayer again, and we had 12 come, plus our 5 here. we lit candles in the living room and praised and prayed, and a few people had some thoughts to share. it is exciting to have this weekly devotional, to be in the presence of God with fellow christians. i know that God is smiling on this and He will lead it wherever He wants it to go. hopefully it will keep growing, keep that in your prayers.
today we are just running a few errands. we are going to buy some school supplies for some children at los pinos. tim comes back early next week and we are excited about his return. keep him in your prayers for safe travel.
God bless. have a great week!
NCR

I'm smellin coffee..

2005-02-25T07:36:00.000-06:00

last night was one of those nights. the kind when you just lay in bed, eyes wide open, can't go to sleep. at first i tossed and turned, as if that was going to help. then i realized that i was not falling asleep, so i just started thinking, praying. all over the map, thinking about things that i havent thought about in years it seems, and praying about some of the same things i've been praying for years. "Lord, i need guidance in my life. what am i supposed to do? where am i supposed to be? Father, lead me to where you want me to go.. Father, i dont understand how you can love a sinner like me. i know that i am forgiven, but sometimes i cannot comprehend Your love for me"
i've been dealing with these things since i was old enough to realize that we are all called to something, and since i found God's grace and forgiveness. so after a long night last night, i'm up early, and i go to one of my favorite psalms, it always gives me peace, psalms 139 vs 16 "Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them." gets me every time. every time i worry about what i am supposed to do, or where i'm supposed to be, He is right there in front of me saying.. "nathan, be patient, and follow Me.."
also i have been struggling with letting go of things from my past. a good friend of mine has been helping me through, and i'm very grateful. being here, i've had a lot of time to reflect. interesting how much more i think about things when i'm not worried about my cell phone ringing, or planning something to do with my friends. i've taken myself back to some things that i have done, things that i havent been able to let go of. i know i am forgiven, i'm sure of it actually, but there is still a feeling of guilt, not between God and i, just a struggle within myself. this weekend i let those things go. tossed them into the wind. God has forgiven me, so why cant i forgive myself? we all have those things, and i hope that if you have them now, that you will let them go. don't hinder your growth in the present because of something in your past. God has already forgotten it. His mercy has already swept, and mopped it up. we are clean.
2 requests-
1) please keep praying for my dad, he has finished his radiation, and he will have some scans done soon to see how that went. pray with faith that God has entirely removed cancer from his body. we can move mountains, let's remove a disease with our prayers
2) also, a dear friend of my uncle's in california was just diagnosed with more cancer, the doctors haven't given him very good odds, but as we all know, odds are nothing to our God. his name is Chip Anderson, please pray for him.

it's not what you know, it's who you know

2005-02-16T16:25:00.000-06:00

well i've been here for a week now, and i must admit, it has been amazing already. my first day here joe and i built a dividing wall at los pinos church to make another classroom for the kids there. there are 5 classrooms now, and the church is growing everyday. i've still been getting odds and ends done around town, running errands and getting settled at the house. we went and looked at a piece of property on monday that a man named rueben wants to donate for a concrete house project to build from 20-30 concrete houses. the land is great for what we need, and there is another plot of land right next to it we can buy that is very nice as well. yesterday was a busy day, and is where i saw how a network can be such an advantage to ministry. we met with the first lady of honduras in the morning, Tim works with her dispatch, and she loves TORCH and IRC because we are working to make this country, and she very much wants to make this country a better place for the poor. she is going to help with the housing project, and she is also going to be helping IRC get a tattoo removal machine here. in honduras, if you are seen with a gang related tattoo, no questions asked, the police will take you to jail for a minimum of one year. so we are trying to get a rehabilitation program started so these guys can go out on the street without worrying about getting arrested or shot at by other gang members. the first lady is a great woman who cares very much about the people here. later yesterday we met with the head of transit for the national police of honduras about supplying a hospital solely for police and family members. we learned that there are only 348 police officers in tegucigalpa. that means for every one officer there are about 5,200 people. it is unbelievable how they can opperate with a staff that small. also, they are only paid 4,o0o limperas a month, a little over 200 american dollars. so the police can use our help, and by helping them, they will help us when needed, and it is a way to testify to these officers that we are coming in contact with. this morning, tim and i met with a member of the united nations working with unicef to talk with him about the tattoo removal machine. yet another connection for IRC to work with, and for God to give opportunities through. Tim left for the states today, he will be there for a little over 2 weeks. joe and i are hosting a devo tonight with some of the teachers from dalton and dillan's school, so i'm gonna go prepare for that. keep praying, and God will keep answering! God bless

Sit down and stay a while

2005-02-12T18:30:00.000-06:00

well, let's get started, from the beginning..
i was born into a loving, christian family. went to church when i was 5 days old, and have been involved ever since. i've been blessed beyond belief with my parents. no child could as for more loving parents to show them the way. as an only child, one might say that i've been spoiled, even spoiled rotten, which is probably true, but the way i see it is that my parents have sacrificed things that they have wAnted to provide for me, to give me luxuries that i most likely don't deserve. in no way have i ever deserved what i've been given in this life, but God continues to bless me everyday. i went to a christian school in nashville from 2nd grade to 10th grade, then moved to beautiful, gorgeous, sunny, sarasota florida where i finished high school at another christian school. i was baptized at 13 years old. now that i look back, i can see that i made that decision to take on christ, but i did not fully understand the responsibilities this decision would entail. i don't believe that it is void because of that, because i was indeed seeking God and following His will, but not until later in my life did i really understand what His love means. i began coming to Honduras that year, 1997. i fell in love with TORCH, and i fell in love with this country, and i fell in love with God's work here. i have made some priceless friendships through TORCH and maintain them to this day. i praise God for the people i have met on these trips and have become close with. throught the years, i maintained my spiritual walk, having the peaks and valleys that every christian goes through, but never making a break through that absolutely changed my relationship with Him. i went to freed hardeman to play soccer after high school where i have made some of the best friends anyone could ask for. so, why am i where i am, why am i who i am? during my sophmore year, i got one of those phone calls.. the one when you answer the phone and you know something is wrong by the sound of your mother's voice. i learned that my father was diagnosed with skin cancer. they did not reveal to me how serious this problem was, knowing that i would have left school that second. the doctors gave my father very poor chances on making it. well God has other plans for my dad. people began praying. all over the nation, all over the world and God was faithful to our requests. he went through therapy for almost a year, when the doctors found more cancer. once again the prayers were lifted from hundreds and hundreds of people. today the doctors believe he is cancer free, and he is doing a dose of radiation to kill any cells that might linger. now, i dont know if you have had that one moment in your life when you knew that you needed God more than you had ever needed him before, but my father's cancer made me not only seek God, but crave Him. i knew that there was no way a healing would come without the faith that can move mountains. i have that faith, and i know God will answer a faithful prayer. God has been so amazing to me.
for years, i have put off a summer internship in Honduras with TORCH. needing to work, training for soccer, any excuse i could think of, i used, and i turned down God's plan for me. last summer, i listened to God's calling for me, and i told Him that whatever doors he opened i would walk through. not only did God give me the opportunity to do the summer internship, but the doors were wide open to come earlier, and live here for 6 months. something that i have been finding in my walk this year, is that God doesn't wait for you to seek Him, He actively pursues you and tugs at your heart to bring you close to Him, because that is what He wants, us to be close to Him. so here i am, in tegucigalpa honduras trying to follow God's will for my life, and trying to spread the news about His love.
i know i've been long-winded, so i will wrap it up.
GOD is GOOD, ALL the TIME